what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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