I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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