Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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