I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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