He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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