i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
