my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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