If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
