Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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