i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
