you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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