my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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