Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
