"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
