I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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