he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
