My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
