He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
