Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
