in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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