I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
