I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
