A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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