the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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