i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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