Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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