Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
