some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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