Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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