Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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