You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
