Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
