It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
