They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
