I want to walk on stilts...naked
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
