And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
