the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
