I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
