...so i touched it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
