I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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