she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
