I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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