i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dignity is for republicans.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
