lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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