dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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