I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just crazy horny about you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
