Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The air was thick with penises
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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