STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
