Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
