Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
