i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
