I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
