oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
