What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
