I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
