Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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