so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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