This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
