"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
