Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
