I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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