Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
