took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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