he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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