Already got asked if we're dating
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
