I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
