Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
