that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
