I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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