On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
