dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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