Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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