we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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