He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
