When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
