He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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