his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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