i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
