Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
